How to Tell your Family and Friends You are Going to Rehab

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One of the hardest parts of the recovery process is finally admitting to yourself that you need help and then seeking out that said help. It is incredibly challenging for us to admit our mistakes to ourselves and even harder to admit to others that we need help. Unfortunately, addiction has an underlying tone of shame and guilt, and we are often scared to admit we are struggling because we don’t want others to view us as “bad” or “shameful.” Addiction is a disease, not a choice, and admitting to yourself that you want to better yourself and overcome this disease shows that you want to become a better person and you don’t want drugs and alcohol to control your life anymore.

Create a plan

Planning out the “how, when, and where” when having this difficult conversation is important. You want your loved ones to be in a good headspace and a quiet setting and be prepared as much as possible. Not everything is going to go well, not everything is going to go your way, but you want to try the best you can, and having a plan can help smooth out this conversation. Spend some time planning out what you are going to say and try to prepare yourself mentally for this conversation. Pick a time that works best for you and your loved ones. Decide if you want to tell people one at a time or in a group setting, and tell them beforehand that you want to have a serious conversation about something very important. This will set the tone and ensure they have your full attention and are not distracted. You want to be prepared mentally, and you also want to give your loved ones this luxury. The last thing you want to do is have a conversation of this magnitude at a time when the people on the receiving end can’t dedicate the proper amount of time and attention to it. 

You also want to make sure you pick a location that is comfortable for you and others who will be in attendance. Avoid a public place, if possible, as this can make the conversation awkward if there are strangers around who can hear what you are saying.

Write down what you want to say 

You don’t have to prepare a speech or write out every word, but it is important to write out key talking points and specific things you want to discuss. You can bring resources about addiction and recovery so you can help your loved ones learn that it is a disease and the process it takes to overcome this disease. You can also include information about some of the recovery programs you are interested in. You can view this time not only as a way to share your decision but also to educate your loved ones about substance abuse and recovery.  

This conversation will likely be uncomfortable and stressful, so it can’t hurt to get your thoughts together to ensure you say everything you want to when the time comes. Likely, you will only get one opportunity to have this discussion, so make sure you say everything you need to say in a calm and well-prepared manner. The more you seem sure of your decision, the more likely your loved ones will support you and feel like they are also a part of this new stage in your life. 

Be honest about your addiction

If you have been battling addiction in silence, you most likely have been lying about your addiction and hiding your reality from your loved ones. You may have also been lying to yourself about your addiction. You may have become defensive or downright hostile towards others when they want to talk to you about your addiction.  This conversation can help you come clean about your addiction and associated behaviors. It can also be a time to apologize, if you are ready, to your loved ones about your actions, especially if they have been hurt during this process. Be honest about your feelings, your fears, the depths of your addiction, and your concerns for the path ahead. Opening up about what you are going through and being honest with your loved ones can help you come face to face with your reality, help your recovery, and allow you to start rebuilding a support community. You are going to have to get deep and share your feelings throughout your recovery process, so this can be a good starting point for one of the many difficult conversations you will have in therapy during your rehab. 

Be Accepting and Understanding

Your addiction did not only negatively impact your life, but it also negatively affected those around you, especially your closest friends and loved ones. While your friends and family might be happy that you are getting the help that you need by going to rehab, they might not be ready to fully forgive you for your behaviors and actions associated with your addiction. It’s important to accept this and understand that everyone processes things in their own way and at their own speed. A great way to show this is to verbally acknowledge that you understand and accept how they feel and to let them know that you are open to having a deeper conversation with them whenever they are ready. You can also let them know that, by going to rehab, you are not only trying to improve your life for yourself but also because you want to reconnect and start over with them.

Don’t Try to Predict How They Will React

Expect the best, but prepare yourself for the worst. You cannot control how your loved ones will react. They may have no idea that you have been struggling with addiction; they may be angry, ashamed, or confused, or they may be proud that you are taking responsibility. Regardless of how they react, you cannot predict their reactions before this conversation, and spending time in your head going through different scenarios is not an option. The stress and anxiety involved in trying to play out all the “what ifs”  should not be something you put yourself and your body through in its current state.   

If you predict that they will react one way and they react in another way, it could cause resentment on your part. It’s important to remember that you ultimately decided to get help for yourself, and that is all that matters.

What If I Don’t Feel Comfortable Breaking the News in Person, or What If I Can’t? 

While sharing the news that you are going to rehab is best done in person and face to face, not everyone has that option. They might not live close to their family or loved ones, or, as a result of their addiction, their family and loved ones might not want to see or speak to them anymore. If this is the case, there are other ways in which you can share your news.  

If a phone call is not an option either, you can use one of the following alternative communication methods: 

• Write a letter 

• Send an email 

• Send a sincere text message 

If you choose to use one of these methods, it’s important to personalize your message to each individual. This can allow you to bring up specific incidents that may have happened and apologize to the person it directly impacted.

Why should I tell my loved ones I am going to rehab?

Telling your friends and family this can be challenging and scary, but with a proper plan in place, this conversation can be easier. Telling your friends and family is an important step in your recovery process because it gives them the choice to be there and support you through this journey; it gives you a chance to admit your wrongdoings to your loved ones, and it shows you are trying to take responsibility for your addiction. This can help you in your long-term recovery, especially when it comes time to make amends and need to lean on your loved ones. 

 If you need more help navigating these difficult conversations, AKUA Mind Body can help. Our treatment specializes in individual therapy, group therapy, and family therapy, and strongly believe that addiction is a family disease, meaning that one person’s struggle with addiction impacts the entire family.

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